18 November 2013

Complete 180

This could mean a number of things in my situation. One, that my cancer signs have stopped growing and are, instead, retreating. This is partially true: my brain MRI showed significant response to my recent radiosurgery. The lesion near my ventricle appears to be about half the size it was when treated. It is too soon to tell, however, if TDM1 is having an equally successful effect on the rest of the systemic cancer and other lesions.

A Complete 180 could refer to the way Ian and I have had to severely limit our expenditures, but once again, this is only partially true. While we have done a virtually complete 180 in our thinking habits--beginning with questioning every potential purchase as to its utility in our lives, instead of questioning none of them--we have not stopped spending money (and lavishly, it still appears).

No, this Complete 180 refers to the gravitational pull on my body, as registered at the SCCA clinic, on its super-fancy scale. That's right--I weighed in at 81.65 kg, which, when converted to pounds at the touch of a button, left me gaping, as Mary Poppins suggested, like a codfish. One hundred and eighty pounds! I laughed--it still makes me laugh. It never, ever, occurred to me that this was possible. One hundred and eighty pounds is the upper limit for most Equitours horseback riding tours, like the one I took to Australia a few years back with my friend MS. I am an Upper Middleweight for the Mixed Martial Arts classification, and am now in the women's Heavyweight boxing class (don't mess with me!).

I'm finding that my reaction to this new weight height is another example of a partially true 180. I have clothes that fit, and I recently--prior to the weighing in--re-started a long-ago practice of treadmilling to Star Trek: The Next Generation, simply because I felt I'd like to get more aerobic exercise (and more awesome TV). I've been pleased to find that the years away haven't left me totally out of shape. The point here is that I have virtually no self-image tied up in this weight--it is what it is. This realization, in an of itself, makes one feel quite light. I am obviously not built on a foam core; I have more of a solid-state drive infrastructure.

It's also quite likely that TDM1 has helped me reach these unexpected altitudes by encouraging my body to retain fluids it otherwise wouldn't have deemed necessary. Also, the fact that it's chilly now in Seattle means that my clothing added a bit more than usual.

At any rate, a 180 seems auspicious!


  1. It appears 180 is a good fighting weight! Way to go.

  2. "The point here is that I have virtually no self-image tied up in this weight--it is what it is." This is a glorious way to think/feel. I'm thrilled for you.